As you guys may or may not know, Jason loves Doritos. Like, loves-loves. Like, when he went vegan, he mourned the loss of Doritos in his life. Seriously.
As you guys also may or may not know, last year Jason and I took a three-month long road trip across the country. When you are living in a van, you end up eating a lot of road food. I mean, we had a little camp-stove in the van and we ate really good food most of the time. But there were definitely a lot of chips consumed as well.
And one day, while reading the labels of every kind of chip in the grocery store, praying for a new variety of vegan junk food, Jason found VEGAN DORITOS! It turns out that the Spicy Sweet Chili Flavored Doritos are actually vegan. How can this be? Because they don’t have any actual ingredients. According to the Doritos website, some of the selling points of these chips are that they contain 0g trans fat, are lactose free, and are “pig (porcine) free.” Um, ew.
So needless to say, we bought those chips and ate them all. And yes, I said “we.” While I am certainly not going to the grocery store buying Doritos, if I happen to be stuck in a van with someone eating them and making loud yummy-sounds, I’m going to join in the flavor explosion.
Blah blah blah, whatever. All of this exposition is to set the stage for what we found in the health food store a couple of weeks ago. Kettle Chips has come out with a line of nacho chips that are made with all-natural ingredients. And one flavor, Salsa Picante, is VEGAN! Are you kidding me? So of course, we bought a bag. And what did we think? Well, we’d tell you except our tongues are numb.
I’m kind of kidding, but they really are like Doritos as far as how intense they are. If you like the burn of Doritos on your tongue and the film of weird spices on your fingertips, you are going to love Tias. They make a lot of non-vegan flavors, but the only ones that are vegan are Salsa Picante. We would love to see them increase their vegan offerings in the future, although it’s probably better that they haven’t. We’ve proven ourselves unable to snack in a responsible manner, so they are sort of saving us from ourselves.
Now it’s time for a breakdown:
Here’s the ingredients for Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos: Whole Corn, Vegetable Oil (Contains One or More of the Following: Corn, Sunflower, and/or Soybean Oil), Salt, Sugar, Monosodium Glutamate, Fructose, Sodium Diacetate, Soy Sauce Solids (Soybean, Wheat, Salt), Onion Powder, Corn Maltodextrin, Hydrolyzed Soy Protein, Hydrolyzed Corn Protein, Garlic Powder, Torula Yeast, Malic Acid, Extractives of Paprika, Spices, Caramel Color, Disodium Inosinate, Disodium Guanylate, Dextrose, and Natural Flavor.
And here’s the ingredients for Salsa Picante Tias: Organic yellow corn, vegetable oil (safﬂower and/or sunﬂower oil), maltodextrin, tomato powder, salt, onion powder, garlic powder, sugar, paprika, yeast extract, jalapeno powder, green bell pepper powder, dextrose, vinegar, dried parsley, paprika oleoresin (color), spice extractive, spice.
Duh, right? Like, wouldn’t you rather eat Dried Parsley than Disodium Guanylate? So go buy some Tias, and thank us later. Or curse us. Or just invite us over.
Luhph (my thungth sthill numb),