The Amazing World of Spam Comments

I love the spam comments I get on my blog posts.  If you do not blog, you are missing out on a whole world of grammatical errors and computer-generated engrish.  The comments range from the indecipherable to the accidentally wise or witty to the shockingly insulting.

One type of spam comments that cracks me up is the one or two line comment in which almost every word is misspelled or grammatically incorrect.  Here’s some examples of this type of thing:

– “Remarkably.  Thanks you.”

– “Good idea! Can be considered a learned thing, ok;”

– “you’ve gotten an ideal blog here! would you wish to make some invite posts on my weblog?”

See, aren’t they great?  Another type of spam comment I really like is the really, REALLY long comment that is vague enough that it could pretty much relate to almost anything.  For instance:

– “I just wanted to jot down a quick note to appreciate you for all of the great guidelines you are sharing at this site. My particularly long internet investigation has at the end of the day been rewarded with reputable facts and techniques to share with my partners. I would tell you that we readers actually are very much lucky to dwell in a magnificent site with very many wonderful people with very helpful concepts. I feel truly fortunate to have seen the web site and look forward to tons of more amazing minutes reading here. Thanks once again for all the details.”

– “I’m impressed, I need to say. Really hardly ever do I encounter a weblog that’s both educative and entertaining, and let me tell you, you’ve gotten hit the nail on the head. Your idea is outstanding; the difficulty is something that not sufficient persons are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy that I stumbled throughout this in my search for one thing relating to this.”

So there are also the totally insulting comments.  I might love these most of all.  Here’s some:

– “That is a super-peachy-keen post. Thanks for really blathering on like that! Seriously, I don’t think I could have spent more effort wishing for something heavy to fall on me to erase that nonsense from my mind!”

– “How many people do you get on your site per day? I have been reading some of you content and i think its good but hardly anyone leaves any comments which makes me think your not getting much traffic? Check these guys out, they helped my site and i think they can help you achive your online goals (LINK DELETED FOR OBVIOUS REASONS).”

– “Go kill yourself”

God, I love this stuff.  Full disclosure:  I also really enjoy bathroom graffiti and voice-activated automated phone menus.  For real.  And it seems to me that spam comments are sort of the best of both of those worlds.

OK, we’re almost done.  I think the most obvious spam comments are the ones like these:

– “Hi Webmaster!! Check out this awesome WordPress plugin (LINK DELETED)”

– “Yesterday, while I was at work, my sister stole my iphone and tested to see if it can survive a 40 foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My apple ipad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is totally off topic but I had to share it with someone!”

But the ones I particularly enjoy are the ones that ALMOST seem like real comments.  These are easy to fall for, but there’s usually a pretty obvious giveaway.  For instance:

– “This is without question the most detailed content I’ve seen on this subject. Phenomenal job. Continue the good writing!” (LEFT BY USER NAMED “RINGTONES FREE DOWNLOAD”)

– “Very good post. If there were more writers like you I’d have more websites to visit when I do go online. LOL.”  (USERNAME: FREE ROCKET SPANISH)

– “Great post.  Can’t wait to try this!” (USER NAME: GOLD DIPPED ROSES.COM)

Then, there are the comments that just make you say “huh?”  Here goes:

– “Your article made me understand some things.”

– “One day, Xiao Ming another class …. a sudden “rush”(fart) a cry;sitting next to a small U.S. scolded and said: Xiao-Ming Ah ~ if you could not make a noise.”

– “Your website is like pie, they’re sweet and cute. I’ve just strolling from every web page to web page until I met naughty topic in this page. From first impression, I underestimate your topic ideas, but it is my fault, sorry for considering this (I advised you what I believed in my mind). Here’s my unhealthy habits, sorry to listen to that. Regardless that it was my bad sign for future, but I understand that my mind can be used for other experimental study with you. Please observe that I write this comment in response to true story, and you are the chosen one to make this decision. I want you to become my associate in desired subject, we are able to examine together with our skills, and you get the benefit by getting new ride with me. Sorry for giving my invitation on this remark page, but if you don’t mind, which you could give me your opinion about my comment, I’m desirous about creating your website as massive web site, so you can use it as your passive income.”  (UM, WHAT?  AND IS DESIROUS EVEN A WORD?)

And now, the piece de resistance.  This comment is my favorite for several reasons.  It is almost indecipherable on the first reading, it is really long, the user name is a clickable link, and it is totally insulting.  You ready?

– “The core of your writing whilst appearing reasonable originally, did not sit properly with me personally after some time. Somewhere within the paragraphs you actually managed to make me a believer unfortunately just for a very short while. I however have a problem with your jumps in logic and one would do nicely to fill in all those breaks. In the event that you actually can accomplish that, I would definitely end up being amazed.”

You’d definitely be amazed?  Well, in that case, I’ll get right on it.  Oh, and incidentally, this was left on a post about pizza crust.  I can see how the commenter would have become a believer, even if just for a very short while.

All the spam comments above came from my blog, as well as the blogs of my friends Jen and Amanda.  If you’re a huge nerd like me and you want to share your own spam comment gems, I’d love to see them!